Part 19: Secret Denmark: Mexico Chapter I: It's a Secret to Everybody

Secret Denmark: Mexico Chapter I: It's a Secret to Everybody

In the Victoria II mod "Converted: - Spain1725_07_26.eu4," better known by its colloquial name, Secret Denmark, the world has changed dramatically, and not all for the better. In the place of the familiar, there is the unfamiliar, in the place of knowledge, there is mystery, and in the place of the universal truth, there is the secret.



Consider the strange case of Greece. Bordered to the north by Hannover (a Mongolia-Xinjiang spanning horde whose khan happens to be William IV of Great Britain and so is a satellite of that nation) and Korea, bordered to the east by Spain, and bordered to the west by China's puppet Tibet (China, of course, being the name the citizens of Saxe-Lauenburg call their city-state), there are many questions to be asked about these Greeks. No one in their land speaks the Hellenic tongue, though some people do, in a distant land called "Greece" (a geographical term, not a political one). The Greeks-who-are-not-Greeks of China (not to be confused with China, the city-state in northern Germany) long to return to the geographical-region-known-as-Greece-but-not-owned-by-Greece, as Greece (the political entity) contains no Greeks but Greece (the region) contains all the Greeks. Confused? But my dear reader, we've only just begun! You really must learn to keep up better than that!



To sea to the east of Greece (the kingdom, not the region) are the islands of Japan, and one of the two polities on these islands is the Empire of Japan. We seem to be in more sensible territory here, but remember that Japan (the islands) and Japan (the empire) refer to similar but not synonymous things, as parts of Japan (the islands), in particular the northern reaches of the island of Honshu, are ruled by the Baluchistani kingdom of Kalat. Baluchistan is a region in the kingdom of Sindh on the Indian Ocean, but these Baluchis-who-are-not-Baluchis in court at Niigata in Japan-the-islands-not-the-Empire quite like their new home and are dismissive of the desires of Japan-the-Empire to make Japan-the-islands a true synonym for Japan-the-Empire. Contemptuous of their struggles is Spain, whose possession of Hokkaido puts the lie to Japan-the-Empire's claim to be synonymous with Japan-the-island-chain regardless of who comes out on top of their struggle.



To the south, we find an island that is not named Cyprus (there is an island named Cyprus, this is not it) that is named Java. There is a country on this island, but that country is not the country of Java...the country of Java is on the landmass known as Anatolia, near the city of Adana, a short distance away from the island of Cyprus. No, the kingdom on the island of Java is not the kingdom of Java, which is over by Cyprus, it is the kingdom of Cyprus, which is in Java. Cyprus (the kingdom, not the island) owns part of Java (the island, not the kingdom), and yet has a map of Cyprus (the island, not the kingdom) on its flag when the map says that Java (the kingdom not the island) is far closer to Cyprus (the island, not the kingdom) is to Cyprus (the kingdom, not the island). The Cypriots (both of the island and the country) claim to be Greeks (of the region, not the country), but there are no Greeks (of the region or the country) in Java (the island, or the kingdom). Cyprus (the kingdom, not the island) claims to be an island nation, and so it is, but it only has half of an island, even though its flag claims a whole island, and it's the wrong island at that. Surrounding Java are men of Portugal, Spain, Britain, and Brunei, which controls the entire island of Borneo though only its northern tip is called Brunei.



Crete (the country, not the island) is a kingdom that claims to have once been a Greek (the people, not the country) republic in ancient days and to have originated in Crete (the island, not the country). Crete (the country, not the island) is based in Luang Prabang (the city, not the city-state), not to be confused with Luang Prabang (the city-state, not the city), which is in Burma and wishes it were in Luang Prabang (the city, not the city-state). The Nation Of, not to be confused with The Nation, is in Vietnam, but it is not The Nation Of Vietnam, it is The Nation Of, which is in Vietnam. It shares Vietnam with Dai Nam, the Great South, is based in Hanoi, in the northern part of Vietnam, which is south of China (the region where Greece the country is, not the German city-state). Dai Nam wishes it went even further south, and wants to conquer The Nation Of. Siam, the mighty (but not Mighty) Southeast Asian empire, stretches through Sumatra, but does not include Saxe-Coburg-Gotha the country, which is in Siam (the region, not the country) and not Germany (the region, not the country). Meanwhile, in Rangoon but not in Hyderabad is Hyderabad, which is not in Hyderabad but in Rangoon. Hyderabad claims to be a princely Indian vassal of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland, which does not own the entirety of either Great Britain or Ireland while Hyderabad is not in India but in Burma. Burma, of course, does not exist. Lombardia (the country, not the region) owns most of inland Burma (the region, not the country-that-doesn't-exist). Lombardia is civilized while most of its neighbors (not including Saxe-Coburg-Gotha) are not. Lombardia (the region not the country) is owned by Tuscany (the country not the region) which is centered in Tuscany (the region not the country) not Lombardia (the region not the country).



Mexico (in India) is the subject of our tale, and to Mexico (in India) we will return, but first we must travel around the rest of the world, even through Mexico (the region, not the country). Mexico is mighty, but Mighty is Mexico. The Mighty hordes that had expelled Mexico from Mexico but Mexico lived on in part, but not all, of India. Mexico's neighbor to the north is Nepal, which owns Nepal, but is not limited to Nepal.



Mexico (which is in India) also borders The Federation, which should not be confused with the identically named The Federation, nor should it be confused with The Federal State or The Federal States Of. The Federation (which is not The Federation) owns Bombay, while The Federation (which is not The Federation) owns Seattle. Make sense?



California may look like it's part of The Federation (not The Federation, the other one), but California is actually in Tibet (but not in Tibet) not in California (the state, not the country), which is in The Federation (not The Federation). California is near-bordered to its south by Afghanistan (the country, not the region), which is in Punjab (the region, not the country), because Afghanistan (the region, not the country) is owned by Sindh (the country, not the region). Sindh (the country, not the region) owns Sindh (the region, not the country), and much else besides, and has ambitions on Gujarat, which is part of Mexico (the country, not the region), and has no fear of Mexico's might (not to be confused with Might).



To the north of Sindh (both region and country) is Holy, which is, as Caesar spoke of Gaul, divided into three parts, for as it is written, Holy Holy Holy are the Central Asian steppes. Mughalstan, which owns little Mughal territory, is in Afghanistan, though Afghanistan is in Punjab.




Persia is Persia, but Persia faces a new concern to the north known only as The Kingdom, which is in Khiva, but Khiva does not exist (not to be confused with The Kingdom Of, which is in Somalia, which does not exist). In Azerbaijan (the region not the country) is part of Jan Mayen (the country not the island), but Jan Mayen (the country, not the island) is in several other places as well. Azerbaijan (the country not the region) is in the Netherlands (the region, not the country), bordered by the Netherlands (the country, not the region), and we will get to them later. Yemen is in Yemen, in part, but Yemen is also in Nejd, in part. Oman is in Oman, but Oman is also in Yemen. Nejd is in Nejd, but Nejd is also in Hedjaz, but so is Hedjaz. The Ottoman Empire is where it should be and where it should not be.



Tripoli is in Tripoli, but Tripoli is also in Tunis and Egypt, but Tunis and Egypt do not exist. Java is near Cyprus, but is not in Cyprus, but Cyprus is in Java but not Cyprus. Venice is in Crete and Cyprus, but not in Venice, but Crete and Cyprus are in Southeast Asia and also not in Venice. Crete and Cyprus are Greek but are not Greek. Venice is in Istria, but Istria is not Venetian.



The Byzantines claim to be Roman, but are not in Rome. They claim to be Byzantines, but they are not in Constantinople. They claim to be Greeks, but they are not Greece, though they are in Greece, but are not it at the same time. The Serbs own the rest of the Balkans, but this is no shocking mystery but mere common sense and a restoration of the rightful order of things, minus a glaring lack of Bulgaria, which the Serbs are in but which does not exist but which exists and will always exist.




Sweden is in St. Petersburg but Russia is in Narva, which is in Estonia but Estonia is in Kenya. In the frozen north likes Jaipur, a princely vassal of the British, but Jaipur is in Sindh. In Smolensk is Liberia, but in Liberia is France. Liberia is a free land with no slaves ruled by free slaves that do not exist. Poland is in Poland, but Poland is in many other places.



Poland is not in Latvia, which is not in Latvia but in Silesia, but Poland very much wishes to be in Latvia (Silesia) and aspires to fix that. Austria is in France, but Austria is not in Hungary.



Tuscany is in most of northern Italy, but Johore is in Piedmont, which does not exist. The Pope is in Rome and Spain is in Naples, but Spain is also in Spain and Catalonia and a great many other places.



The Grand Duchy Of is in Avignon, and its flag is the biggest mystery of all.



Bavaria is in Bavaria, but Cuba is also in Bavaria, so being in Bavaria doesn't seem like such a big feat.




Colombia (which is Wallonia which does not exist) borders Columbia (which is Alsace). Neither is in Colombia or in Columbia.




The Manchus serve the Chinese, but both are Germans, while the Chinese are the Greeks and the Manchus are under the Koreans.



Azerbaijan is in the Netherlands, but not in the Netherlands, and is not in Azerbaijan, because Jan Mayen is. Bremen is in most of Germany but Sweden is in Denmark.



Indore kneels to London but is in Berlin and not in Indore which is in Sindh.



Sweden is in Denmark but not in Norway but Denmark does not exist. Tales exist of another Denmark, but they are mere myths. Norway is in Iceland.

The Secret Kingdom Of is in Denmark but Denmark is in Greenland. The Secret Kingdom Of is in Canada but also in Greenland which is Denmark.



The Confederation is in Ontario, but the Confederation is in Newfoundland. The Confederation is in Ontario, but the People's Union Of is in Ontario. The People's Union Of is in Quebec, but Quebec does not exist. Finland is in Sault Ste. Marie, but Finland is in Sweden. Sault Ste. Marie will be the second-largest city in the western hemisphere by 1840, but Sault Ste. Marie is an obscure unpopulated backwater.



Beroda is in Toronto, but Beroda belongs to Mexico, but Beroda serves the British. Anhalt is in Chicago, but Anhalt is in Germany. Hawaii is in Philadelphia, but Hawaii is uninhabited. Ireland is based in Manassas, but Ireland is split between the British and Chile.



The Republic owns most of the Eastern US, but the USA does not exist. The Republic is inexplicably based in Colombus, where it faces the threat of the Ionian Islands, which are in Cleveland, but the Ionian Islands are Venetian.




The Federal States Of is in Florida and Georgia, but The Federal State is South Carolina and Bermuda.



The Dominion is in the South, but Portugal owns their port.



Land holds land in Kansas, but Land needs more land.



The Democratic People's Republic is in Nebraska, but Depublican is not a word.



The Worker's Union Of is is Wisconsin, but its neighbor Modena is in Minnesota, and Modena is in Tuscany.



The People's State Of is in Wyoming, but Wyoming is not Popular.



The Federation which is not The Federation is in the west. They own California (not the California that is in Tibet) and they must be relieved of that by Mexico-which-is-in-India.



The Prince is in Calgary. No one knows of what he is a prince.



Krakow is in British Colombia but Krakow is in Poland. No one lives in Kelowna but everyone shall live in Kelowna.



The Secret Kingdom Of is in Edmonton and on Cree land, but the Cree do not exist. It owns Denmark in Greenland, but Denmark does not exist.





The Free State is not the Free People Of. The Free State is in Cuba but Cuba is in Bavaria. The Confederacy is in the Caribbean.



Mighty is in Mexico but Mexico is in India. Mexico wishes to be in Mexico, but Mexico is Mighty.



The Nation is in Mexico City, but Mexico is in India.



Panama is Panama.



The Commonwealth is in Colombia, but Colombia is in Wallonia.



The Pious Union Of is in Guyana.



The Glorious Union Of is not Brazil, but it is Brazil.



Bhopal is in Peru, but Bhopal is in Sindh. Bhopal serves the British. The Commune is not The Commune Of, but it borders The Commune Of.




The Most Serene Republic is contained within the Most Holy Union Of, but it's not united with the Most Holy Union Of.




Moldavia is owned by the Ottomans, but Moldavia is in East Africa. Estonia is the Russian capital, but Estonia is in Africa. The Kingdom Of is in Somalia, but The Kingdom is in Central Asia.



Hamburg is in Sudan, but Hamburg is in Bremen.



The Mormons are in West Africa, but Utah is in The Federation (but not The Federation).



Lippe is in Gao, but Lippe is in Bremen.



Bundelkhand is in Chad, but Bundelkhand is in Nepal, and Bundelkhand serves the British. The Belgians are in Nigeria, but Austria is in Belgium.



The Catalans are in Congo, but Spain owns Catalonia.

Soon begins the story of Mexico-that-is-in-India, but for now, I leave you with a map. I hope you got all that.

The...World? Seriously? 1836